You're never getting home. You will die in the process.

Remember how you thought you were doing a good thing by going to see your sick grandmother at the hospital, and you wanted to be there for your Dad because he was scared she was going to die?

Guess what, chief? You were dead fucking wrong again! Are you expecting me to believe that when you signed up for this shit show, you didn't know you and your brother were getting locked in a death cage with four wild animals and sent flying into a wall of vehicles in a reckless manner that would scare your panties brown and yellow?

You should have known that you'd endure the tension of a family with a screaming problem, a victimization problem, a gossip problem, and many MANY drinking problems.

When all is said and done, I'm sure you NEVER expected that you'd get to the bus station 20 minutes early only to be told to go fuck yourself because there's no room for you, and that you'd be waiting an additional hour and a half.

Now that you're reduced to feeding your brother ghetto fried chicken and Tylenol PM to keep him from killing yourself, you're probably thinking that you're going to let this be the last time your family stresses you out and virtually tries to kill you. Unfortunately, no, you're not.

And you should stop being dramatic. You KNEW this was going to happen. Just close your eyes and let the sweet voice of death sing you to sleep.

Things you are not: going home, able to leave, getting on the bus, going to survive

from Austin Keenan presents: "No, you're not."

No, there is no snow on these palm trees. This is fake.

Okay.  So, like a fair amount of the rest of us, I've had a preoccupation with snow photography for the past week or so.  But, how am I supposed to believe that this palm tree in the French Rivera REALLY got snowed on?  What in the Winter Wonderland is going on here?

No.  Reject.  Failure. 

My perception has been so polluted with obvious Photoshop hoaxes that I cannot accept this.  Either get serious with me, or stop taking pictures altogether.

Why don't you just take some pictures in Canada or fucking Siberia, like a normal photographer?  Stop trying to fool us with this crazy "Oh, it snows on palm trees, even though it's rare" bullshit.  I don't buy it because I can't (I'm poor, hmph).

Things you are not: seeing snow on palm trees, fooling me, a clever photographer, in the French Rivera

Posted via email from Austin Keenan presents: "No, you're not."